i would punch a child for taco bell
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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