life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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