I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
