This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
