2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
