And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
