Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i have two assholes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
