Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
