I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
