I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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