I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
