dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
