That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
