I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
