So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
