And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
