Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
