I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
