my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
