This is not my ceiling
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
