the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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