I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
