i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
