i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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