she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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