Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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