Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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