3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
