When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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