so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
