He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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