Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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