I just cut my nipple shaving
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
