this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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