if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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