No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
