I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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