Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
