ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
