apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
