i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
