I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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