as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
