Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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