So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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