I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
