Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
