Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
