were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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