the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
