Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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